On the fence

Swimming in loops of uncertainty,
Even when I count my steps carefully.
I wonder if you’d still feel the same way,

As how I doubt like any other day.

I can’t change the past,
To unwind the first and the last,
I don’t care how volatile we are,

Because you take me to places so bizarre.

A war is raging inside,
Got nowhere to confide.
Relentlessly licking my infection,
Drinking down a river of suppression.

Head banging myself to the very end,
Where I inevitably would be condemned.
Hating the anger I conceal,
When I excruciatingly deny what is real.

By: Edwina Marie, Penang