Meet me in Montauk

“How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!,

The world forgetting, by the world forgot,

Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind!,

Each prayer accepted, and each wish resigned.”

“Look at it out here,

it’s all falling apart,

Im erasing you,

and I’m happy!”

I’m leaving,

as soon as I arrived,

sprinting right before I stepped,

on the doormat of your heart,

lying dead,

I wonder if it has always had the phrase,

“Please never leave, again.”

nicely embroidered,

as if it was specially kept,

for my dearly eyes,

to send the weight of empathy,

straight to my damaged heart.

My presence wasn’t really,

a continuous series of silence,

you thought I might perhaps be,

a bit out of my head,

but I’m intoxicating,

yet clueless,

by ways of how I managed,

to stitch your heart,

with trust,

and honesty,

but never with love.

my embarrassing admission is,

I really like that you’re nice,

right now,

although,

I don’t need nice,

I don’t need myself to be it,

and I don’t need,

anybody else to be it at me,

your mind possessed you,

into thinking that I was nice,

and for you,

nice is good.

Darling,

I’m telling you right off the bat,

stop listening to what is true,

And what is true is constantly changing,

it’s a loss to spend that much time,

with me,

only to find out that,

I’m only a stranger.

If you would have stopped,

making up movies in your head,

that always end with a perfect ending,

perhaps,

you’ll learn how to stop,

falling in love,

with every woman you see,

who shows you,

the least bit of attention,

or maybe,

you can finally master,

how to make eye contact,

with a woman,

that you don’t seem to know.

I caught glimpse of cars,

falling out of nowhere,

at the same exact time,

you were yelling and calling out for me,

pixels of memories rose,

pervaded into thin air,

from the back and ahead,

from the back and ahead,

from the back and ahead,

I appeared to be unstoppable.

That one night we held hands,

as our back rested on ice,

you told me that you could die,

because you were just so damn happy,

as if you were high on ecstasy,

and that you’ve never felt that before,

you were exactly where you wanted to be,

but your mind is currently a scene,

branching in each and every part of you life’s series,

that I am unable to be a part of.

My mementos,

aren’t as disposable,

neither is my love,

I hope you’d have kept,

those pieces of me,

instead of getting them,

thrown away,

during the stages,

of escaping from one’s memory,

me,

say,

“Blessed are the forgetful,

for they get the better,

even of their blunders.”

say,

“I can’t remember anything,

without you.”
I’m vindictive ,

impulsive,

truth be told,

I’m an open book,

exposing everything,

every damn embarrassing thing,

oh how I wish,

you would tell me things,

how i wish you would show me things,

you wrote about me,

in your old leather moleskin,

oh how i wish,

you never looked at me,

merely as a girl.
Too many guys refer to me as a concept,

which I’m not,

I won’t make you feel complete,

nor make you feel alive again,

I, too myself is a screwed up girl,

who’s looking for my own peace of mind,

Perhaps,

a screwed up girl,

can never go well with a screwed up guy,

you remember that speech very well,

yet you still thought,

that I was going to save you,

even after that,

i had you pegged,

didn’t I?

You were blind,

unable to recognise my flaws,

said you can’t see anything,

you don’t like about me,

but you will,

you will think of things,

and I’ll get bored with you,

and feel trapped,

because that’s what happens with me,

I’m incapable giving enough affection,

I often crave for the feeling of being inadequate.
“Please let me keep this memory,

just this one,

can you hear me?

I don’t want this anymore!

i want to call it off!”

you said subliminally,

while your gold plated memory,

was taken away from your life,

unconsciously,

little by little,

due to me vanishing,

and you suffering,

more than you intended,

accidentally.

seconds before your mind,

threw itself off the cliff,

we were aware of each other’s existence,

i could feel your words,

caressing my body ever so gently,

and the warmth,

of your breath,

marked territory of kisses onto my skin,

enlighten a spark,

sent current waves to dance in my veins,

electrocuted me with your last valediction.
What if you stayed this time?

what if you never walked out the door?

what if there were still memories left?

would you noticed how I never told you,

I love you?

indeed,

you’ve often bathed me,

with your love,

and your love for me,

was vast,

that you mentioned the universe,

and how your heart,

never fails to orbit around mine.
So go,

if you really should, nevertheless,

i wish you had stayed,

i know you wish you had stayed either,

you wish you had done a lot of things,

you really wish you had,

but when i came back downstairs,

you were gone,

you walked out the door,

you claimed that you were scared,

you felt like a little kid,

everything was above your head,

it’s like you don’t matter,
perhaps,

that’s why,

I want you to come back here,

and make up a goodbye,

before you leave,

at least,

let’s pretend that we had one,

Joely,

Meet me in Montauk.
By,

Sharifah Husna, KL.

large (4)

Advertisements